UNCLE SUMMY'S UNDISPUTABLE TRUTH

The moon is in reality made out of Lego. Our real moon was stolen by badgers in an elaborate, yet ultimately fruitless, hostage farrago. The plan, hatched by Eddy Snarefucker, a large west country badger, involved 300 of the large rodents working under the cover of night. The moon is of course protected by security camera's but the canny badgers evaded detection using mirrors and walking in zigzags. Nasa, fearing copycat crimes, replaced the moon using a hastily assembled Lego facsimile. It's only half the size but it's twice as near thereby giving the impression that it truly is the mighty orb. The badgers are believed to have put the original somewhere safe, and now can't find it.

UNCLE SUMMY'S THUNDERING MISCONCEPTION

Drinking beer gives you a hangover. Nonsense. It's not the beer that gives you a hangover it's the fun. In order to prove my theory I drank seven pints of Hoeerbastard lager followed by a triumvirate of brandies in my local pub whilst reading a thought provoking article about the descent of humanity into a jagged chaotic hell of its own creation, then I repeated the experience but this time took no material that would cause me to laugh. The second time I had no hangover whatsoever.