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ADVENTURES IN MATURITY

By Gordon Dymowski
Right now, as I'm writing this (December 5, 1998), I'm preparing for a big ass move to St. Louis, MO for a job. It's one of those "once in a lifetime" gigs that I would be a fool to pass up. Well, that and living in Eugene, Oregon is impossible without a job.

Change is tough - hell, we're going to be entering a year named after a Prince song, before he got goofy and became "the Artist who was never known as the Robot from the Future." Superficial change, or pretending that something hasn't hurt you, is all right, but unless you look deep within, and change yourself from within, it won't matter. People take on these "New Year's Resolutions" and, within six weeks, decide to go back to the old behavior. Yep, nothing worse than a reformed whore who never made it...

My point? Well, hey, it's easy with so many self-help books and gurus out there that, well, you can focus on everything that someone *else* says is bad. Look at Oprah - she has so many "gurus" on tv that TV Guide, that fine piece of academic literature, has proclaimed her a "spirtual leader." Yeah, right, and if Ghandi had his own talk show, he'd beat Springer in the ratings.

My point, if I have one? We all go through stuff, and growth is painful. Let's make 1999 the year of "We're Growing Up, But Keeping Our Inner Child Immature". Oprah, here's an open note to you: get off your pedestal, dear, or people will turn off your show. If we want to be "spritual beings," then let us find our *own* way, thank you. We'll grow and develop in our own ways without you peddling more of the namby-pamby intellectual featherweights you have on your show. We're adults, Oprah, and have our own mommies and spiritual leaders. Please don't ask us to make you our Higher Power.

And note the irony of this being written by someone who once wrote, "Lord, you died for my sins; the least I can do is pay for lunch."

Thanks, and I'll be talkin' to you later.

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