February 1999
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Adventures in Maturity- Porno Naked Version

by Gordon Dymowski

First, in last month's Shrubbery, it was determined that anything that had "pornography" or "smut" tended to have a greater number of readers. Being the kind of guy who'll do anything for attention, and being that the topic of this month's AIM is "love", I want people to read all of this.

I think that, in our culture, "love" is a dangerously misused term, and I think all love songs should be banned. Why? Because they promote codependency - hey, most love songs are "I want you, I need you, I can't live without you", and quite frankly, that's not how adults operate. I think Moe Berg said it best in his 1989 classic, "I'm An Adult Now", when he said, "No more boy meets girl, boy loses girl/More like Man tries to understand what the hell went wrong."

Now, I am a little biased - I'm coming off of a breakup, and am only now feeling like getting my butt into the dating world - but we overemphasize that "one special person". If we're lucky, we meet someone who doesn't aggravate the hell out of us most likely. At this point last year, the woman I was involved with and I couldn't wait to be together. Now, I'm waiting to apologize to her because, after our break up, I was taking the last fast crazy train to Stalkerville. (E-mail me with the song I referenced, and I'll send you a pencil, or something).

What am I trying to say? I guess what I'm trying to say is that, we need to get over love. There's too much frickin' love. Let's be mature about this, and just accept that things happen. Love is very overrated, and takes a *lot* of hard work. I also think that, if it weren't for love songs, we wouldn't be in the mess that we're in. Let's all be realistic - we will find partners and stuff - but also realize that, after the initial afterglow fades, *that's* when true love comes in.

And, on a totally related point, I would like to recommend a band called Love. They were one of the great lost 1960's bands, and put out some awesome music. The only reason I bring this up is that Bryan MacLean, one of the founders of that band, died on 12/30/1998. If you can (and if the nice people of the Shrubbery would link to it), be sure to get your hands on LO VE STORY, a two CD set of the best of Love. (I get nothing from the sales, so this is a personal recommendation). Trust me, if you like good music, you will not regret this.

And one of these days, I promise, I will *outline* what I write before I make another submission....

Editor's note: Gordon is actually a member of Love and will be making $.50 off each sale of LO VE STORY, so please do him a favor and support his rock 'n roll lifestyle!

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