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Angry Dan's Column

Dan's Dumbass Mailbag!

by Daniel Strohl

My mailbox has been getting full lately with all your dumbass mail, so I thought I'd take the time out from some more worthwhile goals to stoop down to your level just so I can be free of this crap in my mailbox.

Date: Mon, 10 Apr 2000 15:00:38 -0500
From: "bigdaddy"
Subject: angry my ass

I seriously doubt your level of anger. you see dan i am the original angry dan, been angry for 36 years, you sir, strike me as a psuedo intellectual who tries to make people angry by showing off your dime a dozen college edumacation. dan, to be angry is an innate quality, it cannot be learned. so pin up your poneytail and let your momma tuck you in bed and leave the clever angry observations to us real pissed off types who have been there and done that.

You know, every time I get accused of showing off my education, it makes me wonder about the educational level of the accuser. Usually, it's some moron trying to justify his own existence and rationalize the fact he never bothered to learn anything past "See Spot, See Spot Run." Either that, or you're still in high school (even at 36 years) and don't plan to do anything beside stay in your mom's basement, smoke pot and denounce college educations because you're in fact secretly intimidated by the older college students in your town who could easily outsmart your lame ass. Oh, I've got it - you're actually incensed by my WWF column. You thought that by typing Stone Cold into Yahoo you'd get an article praising that stupid merchandising scheme, yet were so disappointed when I called it all inane. You deserve to be ridiculed.

Anyway, if you're actually angrier than me, prove it by writing an article for the Shrub. And when you do it, make sure you get your facts straight. I cut my hair short a year ago and that pic's been over my column for several months now.

Date: Mon, 10 Jan 2000 12:52:18 -0800
From: "davidmarch"
Subject: ? who cares ?

Dear Dan,
Just read your column & i could not agree w/you more. Why people try to be apart of something they will never be? But i guess thats what gives us incentive to try to get what we want??? Oh well, just because you feel the way you do you. You should not bash people for their ways of thinking. We all can't be like you....."unfortunately" As "MANKIND" says, Have a nice day......

What the hell are you saying? Here, let me try and figure it out:
You correctly identify my theme of allowing people to think and feel how they want, considering we as human beings know no real truths and can't ultimately substantiate anything we think or feel or hold true as objective. However, your assertion that I try to influence other people's ways of thinking (if that's what you're trying to say, I'm still not sure, you illiterate) is just false. I just point out things I find stupid and the whole pro wrestling thing (which I assume you're objecting to) is one of those stupid things. And if that last sentence is a threat (can someone teach this moron to write?), you're way stupider than you sound.

Date: Mon, 10 Jan 2000 00:11:20 -0500
From: "Gordon Walsh"

Did you ever think about getting a real job and stop being so conceited. You have to have talent to be conceited. Promise I wont tell your employers that you are looking for a real job and this is only a pit stop until something opens up at MacDonald's. I have spent my entire life in many forms of show business and have had a large following on Television and Radio. What I have done and successfully, is enough to be conceited. In fact well deserved. So Angry Dan it seems you need help to put a smile on your face so that you can make others happy. Try it...You'll Like it!!

That's funny. You say you have a large following on TV and radio, however, I've never heard of you. After a quick search on the Internet, I only found your name under the listing for the energy conservation contact at Western Australia University, in some articles about alcohol and drug research and as the namesake for the Gordon Walsh realty agency. Oh, wait, I found that you signed Laurie McDonald's Web site. You like Celtic music. Good for you. I hate Celtic music. Oh, and try to spell McDonald's right next time, otherwise you look like Mr. Illiterate up above.

Anyway, I found nothing substantiating your claims to fame, so I think you're lying to me. And who cares if you think being conceited needs certain prerequisites? You're trying to rationalize your pathetic existence into something more than it is. Trying to out-conceit me will only get your ass smacked down, punk.

Date: Thu, 04 Feb 1999 00:31:23 -0500

I don't really mind your thoughts just keep them to yourself. If you can do that I think you well, not only make yourself happy but also the ones you hate.
The problem with your idea is you don't let it stop with just your point, you have to always involve other into your way of thinking and that sometimes leads to hurting someone because you feel strongly about something when it's usually your the one with a problem.

Mr. Irony- If all people should keep their thoughts to themselves, then why are you writing to me, expressing your thoughts?

But your second point is good. I'll just write about completely abstract concepts that don't involve other people at all, like mathematics. If you're out to save people from being hurt, join Amnesty and stop bugging me.

Date: Wed, 03 Feb 1999 19:10:39 -0500

Dan, just a couple of things...
About that friend of yours who lost weight when hospitalized. Her story does not attack vegetarianism. First of all, if one becomes a vegetarian, they make the change as a lifetime commitment. The fact that introducing meat into the diet after years without meat may cause one to be sick is not a deterrent towards vegetarianism. That's like saying people should be aware that if they quit drinking for several years, and then one day drink again, they may get very sick. Peole stop eating animals because they love them, you don't not become a vegetarian because you may get sick if you one day eat animals again, because at the time you make that decision you are convinced you wont eat animals again. Secondly, about that doctor of her's. He must not have dealt with many vegetarians, perhaps because he comes from a meat-eating pride town, because if she needed to gain the weight back there are plenty of healthier ways, that are vegetarian, than eating meat: nuts, beans, tofu, protein powder, if she's a dairy eater--cheese, milk etc. I dont know what the hell is wrong with that doctor. Maybe your friend wasn't being fed well in the hospital. Anyways, you sound like such a simpleton when you write that ignorant shit.
Lastly, about you using the term Straight Edgers. I think before you start using this word so freely, you should check its history. You are stabbing those who it really means something to right in the back when you mention the term in connection with those stupid kids in salt lake city . They are not straight edge; they're really a bunch of militant dorks, who should be sporting swastikas's. Straight edge was never some movement like you say. All it ever was/is is THE straight edge, not straight edge, or straight edgers. The "THE" before the words makes a huge difference. All it ever meant is that those who dont do drugs--those who are straight--have an edge, a clearer mind, than those who do, hence, they have the straight edge. Just like those who go to school have the school edge over those who dont. So, when you say that you disagree with straight edge because of what some stupid little dorky kids do in salt lake city, you are way out of line, becasue it doesn't even make sense. they're not straight edge, they don't even know what it means. So, if you dont mind, call them drug free nazi's from now on, I think it is a much more suitable term.

Thank you for being so well-spoken and for clearing up the inaccuracy about vegetarianism. I admit I didn't do all of my research about that one.
However, I would advise you to learn how to read analytically. The column was denouncing something entirely different from vegetarianism - the tendency of those militant straight edgers to force others into their way of thinking. In fact, the straight edgers were used only as an example for that point. Your response, though, is pretty typical of people who buy into something that has a dark side. You want to distance yourself as far away from that dark side as possible and admit no part in it, especially after something bad happens and has that group's name attached to it. I'm not debating how involved you were in that lifestyle, rather pointing out a tendency to shunt blame elsewhere and not debate the finer points when you're in the most perfect place to do exactly that and make some good come out of the bad.

Date: Sun, 5 Dec 1999 16:50:45 -0500
From: "John O'Briant"

So that's it? That's the answer? To why Angry Dan is angry? Seems a bit oversimplified to me. :)

What do you want, for some uncle to have raped me when I was five? You're a sick pervert.

Date: Wed, 03 Nov 1999 20:02:13 -0500
From: Plamen Nikolov pvnikolo@CC.OWU.EDU
Subject: Dan's Lunacy

There is obviously a misconception here somewhere- you forgot to mention that we'll also coverup our usage of "roofies" in girls drinks to get them into our beds. It's people like you, and your ludacrous outlooks on Greek life that gives the greek community a bad name. You probably find yourself funny or amusing with aspirations of become an artist or a writer for Saturday Night Live or some bullshit like that, even though you think you have it all figured out- you're actually the one who's lost. Lost at a University where all you have is this petty little web article, I can't even believe I've written this much to you. But talking shit and making broad assumptions about fraternities when you really have no idea as to what's going on simply makes you sound like a buffoon. Maybe this was your whole point, but you should think before you publish, funny guy.

In fact I do think. I ask myself, "What'll piss off a large portion of any population?" before I write an article. There, now that's funny. Here, let me ask you another one. What did the frat boy say when I spilled his beer? "I'm gonna kick your ass!" Then he puked all over himself and raped a girl.
You know, I try to be open-minded about these things. I have been to frat parties and I try to listen when frat guys speak. Only the vast minority (at least on this campus) defy the stereotypes despite (or maybe because of) knowing those same stereotypes.

Has Dan made you angry?

If so, feel free to send him and email and let him know just how wrong he is.

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