May 1998
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Mom Soup

by Jason Morrison

There's nothing in the world that makes me feel better, no matter what, than my mom and chicken soup. I don't know what it is, but whether if I'm tired, stressed, sick, or just plain depressed, the sight of my mom with a hot steamy bowl of chicken soup always does my heart good.

I guess it just makes sense. After all, my mom is the nicest, sweetest person I know and she's got a great sense of humour. It's nice to have someone there who loves you unconditionally for your whole life. Also, I don't know if it's a medically proven fact that homemade chicken soup cures what ails you, but it always makes me feel better.

That's why I think the best thing in the whole world must be mom soup. It probably tastes a lot like chicken soup, but mom has something that chicken doesn't-- vitamin L, for love. You must need a really big pot to boil the flesh away from the bones (don't throw that broth out just yet!) and it probably takes several hours before you mother's middle-aged, careworn sinew can be easily removed and diced to your taste. I'd imagine one whole mom could make enough soup for a week!

"Mom soup every day for a week?" you might ask, thinking you'd be tired of having the same thing for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day, but man, this is mom soup! It's so powerful in making you feel better, that even if you did get tired of the exquisite flavor, it would have you addicted like heroin!

Now, I've seen a lot of products in the supermarkets these days, like Centrum Junior and Flinstones Vitamins, that are supposed to make you feel better and help you grow. But none of them come even close to mom soup, in that none of them have vitamin L nor do they have the distilled mothering-instinct that you get from a hearty bowl of mom soup. When your mom says "Eat your vegetables," or "Get off of that ledge, you'll fall and crack your head open!" quite often it's because of strange female hormones at work inside her mind. Those very same hormones that cause a she wolf to fight off lions to defend her pups can be found in mom soup. "Ten thousand strong and growing." Flinstones? Let's see how much you grow after you fall off a ledge and crack your head open.

I guess your hair and fingernails still grow after you die, at least.

So if you're feeling down, remember to stop at your nearest supermarket and buy some mom bullion or mom flavored ramen noodles, and soon you'll be back on your feet in no time. Happy Mothers' Day, mom, for everything you've ever done for me.



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