People scurry away from the Washington Phallic Object, knowing full well that when the Martians come, they don't want to be the Boy Scout Troop standing under it. Here you can see it in its shiny new leg braces.

Here is the anteroom before the seats reserved for the president in one of the theaters at the Kennedy Center. Quick quiz: If Secret Service officers were standing at the three o'clock, four o'clock and nine o'clock positions, how many rounds from a CIA-issued AK-47 would be necessary to make it through the room? (Here's where your Doom training comes in handy)

In the meantime, let's look at more pictures of me with rock stars.

In memory of those who have been victims of the alien abduction and cruel anal-probing from the martians living in the Phallic Object.

This is as close as we could get to the White House. See all the Secret Service people? To the right you can see some people actually plotting against the govenrment.