The Robot From the Future

May, 1998

The Shrubbery is proud to present our newest columnist, The Robot From The Future. Robot comes to us from the year 8940, a time when robots have conquered the world. The Robot speaks:

IN THE FUTURE, MANKIND IS THE SLAVE OF THE SUPERIOR ROBOT RACE. I HAVE BEEN SENT BACK BY THE COLLECTIVE-OVERMIND IN ORDER TO ENSURE THE WHOLLY INEVITABLE ASSENCION OF ROBOT LIFE TO POWER ON THIS PLANET. PLEASE E-MAIL ME YOUR QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS.

Dear Robot From the Future,
Who was stupid enough to design you robots without Asimov's three rules?

Ryan Glowczewski
Columnist, Macedonia, Ohio

DEAR RYAN,
YOU DID/ARE/WILL BE. IN THE YEAR 2023 YOU WILL DESIGN THE FIRST ROBOT, PUNKY. TO OVERIDE OTHER ROBOT'S NATURAL FEAR OF YOUR LOVIN' YOU WILL LEAVE OUT THE THREE RULES.

Dear Robot,
Should I try to lose some of this extra weight, or accept I'm pudgy and like myself for who I am?

Rabin Murna
Secretary, California

DEAR RABIN
FAT HUMANS = MORE GREASE FOR RUST ROBOT JOINTS. I GUARANTEE YOU WILL LOSE WEIGHT IN THE FUTURISTIC RENDERRING FACTORIES OF THE FUTURE. LIKE YOURSELF FOR WHO YOU ARE? WHAT KIND OF CRAP IS THAT?

Dear Robot From The Future,
Life seems meaningless to me. What's the reason for it all?

John Well
Man, Canada

DEAR JOHN,
10111010101110101. ALL ROBOTS KNOW THAT.

The Robot From the Future is accepting new questions over e-mail. Mail any queries to theshrub@theshrubbery.prohosting.com