October 1998
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The Day Jesus Visited My Dorm

Behold, the glory of the son of God on earth

After foosball we had both worked up a hearty appetite. Since the cafeteria would be closed for another hour or two, I gave Jesus two dollars to get something out of the snack machines. He was gone pretty long--too long--so I decided to check up on him. But what to my wonderring eyes should appear but Jesus beating the snot out of the money changer! I managed to get him calmed down and helped him pick up some Andy Capp Hot Fries, his favorite treat.

Behold, the glory of the son of God on earth

Computers are even harder to come by in heaven than an inner-city school, so Jesus was quite impressed with our computer lab. We played network Doom for about 15 minutes before the lab assistant kicked us out, saying there were people waiting to do their homework. "I forgive you," Jesus told him. He was struck by lightning the next day in an unrelated incident.

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