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Channel 9:

Come On Down And Get Your Price is Right Horoscope!!"

by P. Kellach Waddle

Whereas perhaps more normal people (those who don't write TV columns) invoke the queries "What's your sign?" "What's your favorite color?" or perhaps among the adolescent set "Who do you think is the dreamiest Backstreet Boy/Spice Girl?" when they are having getting-to-know-about you conversations, I have taken it upon myself in the past few years to ask people "So what is your favorite The Price Is Right game?" And in doing so I have made some observations per their choices:

PLINKO: Well at least you seem to be part of the majority if this is your favorite game since this was mentioned the most in my informal surveys. Maybe you are a major part of some majortiy-yet-deconstructionist populace because except for the little game to get the chips to try to plop for money.. this game has NOTHING to do with pricing things and seems to violate the very heart of TPIR. And maybe you also actually prefer money over $4000 pieces of carpet. Or maybe you just like dropping things on people which means maybe one should run if they ever see you on an observation deck.

GROCERY GAME: Picking this as your fave shows you must be a really homey person concerned with the matters of home and hearth such as bills, coziness, and well...groceries. This also shows you might be really SUPER anal since this game involves buying an exact quantity of something to hit within a certain amount. Matter of fact you are probably that person who buys enormous amounts of hot dog buns AND hot dogs until they come out even in your lifelong denigration of the fact that they come in different amounts.

HOLE IN ONE: Since this is the golf game having this as your fave must mean you have a distinct fetish for obscenely patterned pants and shirts that are too small. Also , since this game also involves groceries maybe your deepest fantasy involves having your way with your significant other in the aisle of a grocery store that may be carpeted with AstroTurf. Whatever your deal about having this as a favorite game, I bet that if you are a male you have issues with your putter, or of course putter envy if you are female.

CHECK GAME: I love people who love this game. You know why? Because since TPIR contestants usually have a reason they were not on Jeopardy...this game confounds most people who play it. The concept is not all that hard: Write an amount that added to what you guess as a prize's price will come between $5000 and $6000. However, when this game started and still somewhat to this day, explaining that to Freida from Poughkeepsie was like trying to explain the idea of restraint to Bill Clinton. But if this game is youir fave, you UNDERSTAND it and enjoy watching people be far stupider than you will EVER be, and damn if that's not fun.

THREE STRIKES: First of all , you are obviously a masochist if this is your favorite game because you are presented with something everyone would die to have (usually a car that cost more that 30k) by playing a game that has slightly better odds than the Powerball lottery The fact that now it's down to ONE strike you try to pull out of the bag probably depresses you because there aren't as many chances for horror. Or maybe you are really creepy and just like sticking your hand down into things with no idea of what you are going to pick out.

HI-LO: Easy. If you like this grocery-involved game, then I just reckon you must be bipolar.

THE MONEY GAME: You are a cool, fun person who is deifnitely into irony. Because where there ARE games on TPIR where you can win like 32 thousand or even up to 50 thousand dollars, this game that is CALLED the money game can give you most likely a whopping $218 or so if you do not win the car. You also are probably very artistic since this game does involve pictures of the fronts and backs of cars.

THE SHELL GAME: You are wild and devil may care, and look at life as a gamble. Or else you like to wonder where you might discover secret balls when you pick up special shells. You're a sicko. Get away from me.

HIT ME: Enough said. You are also a masochist, most compatible with the people above who love the three strikes game. Or maybe since this game is really based on blackjack maybe your definitely a gambler, someone who drinks milk the day after it's expired and rips the mattress label off. You rogue!

EASY AS 1-2-3: Since you are a fan of this game where you put prizes in thie ascending value you are definitely a dreamer who still has a side where you like to keep things in order. Maybe you are anal too and need to be with those hot dog bun neurotics who like the grocery game.

CLIFF HANGERS: Now here is a stumper, even though so many people do pick this as their favorite game. You could be a lover of yodeling which this game has as the little man climbs the mountain per your bid. You could indeed be a sadist who loves it when the little man falls off when someone loses. Of course you could be a skiier who loves snowy sports and may not be compatible with the spring/summer loving folks of Hole In one. Or maybe you are just REALLY weird, espcially if this yodel-loving issue holds true.

SWITCHEROO: This is another easy one. Since this game involves playing with blocks that have numbers to fit them in prices, you are a young-at-heart bundle of joy who enjoys reflecting upon if not flat-out reliving your childhood when you did indeed play with blocks on a regular basis. Of course you may get arrested if you carry this too far and venture out into the mall wearing that diaper again.

So what's your favorite game? And what does it say about you? Why don't you write to me here at The Shrub ( and we may publish some of your notes in a future column of mine !

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