December 1998
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Win A Date With A Shrubbery Columnist
Namely, Ryan

That's right, a lucky person out there will have the chance to win an evening out with The Shrubbery's very own Ryan Glowczewski. An evening that could even end up blossoming into more... perhaps even a romance... (insert swank lounge music here)

Why, you ask? Because, quite frankly, Ryan needs to get off his duff and into the dating pool. Because he is an absolute coward when it comes to talking to females. Beacuse he's a nice guy who some nice gal deserves.

So, why should I enter, you ask? Well why not? Besides the fact that you'll be dating an honest-to-God celebrity, there's also the facts that this will be all-expenses paid, he'll probably bring you flowers or something, and, above all else, the date will become a photo drama in an upcoming shrubbery! You'll be imortalized on the internet, where millions of people can see you!!! Instant Fame and Fortune!!!

We've made entering as easy as pie. All you have to do is e-mail rglowcze@kent.edu with an essay about why you should win. Length is up to you. What goes in the essay is up to you. We can suggest that you put your intrests, aspirations, likes and dislikes and whatnot, but if you want to write a crazy, bizzare, theater of the absurd inspired piece, feel free. Not only might Ryan be interested, but he isn't the only judge, and the others might love to stick him with someone slightly insane.

You also need to include your real name, your general geographic location (State, distance from a major city), and, if possible a picture... yeah, we know, if he's so open minded, why is he looking for a picture? Well, since you don't know about the "Stacy Incident", we'll just say, c'mon, physical attraction is pretty important. It will really help if you can write your name on your picture. If you can't figure out how to email a picture, ask and we'll work something out.

The contest deadline is tentativly January 17th, but may be extended. If you win, we will contact you via e-mail within one week of the final deadline. The winner may bring a friend along, and this is suggested for safety of "Meeting some internet person". Said friends expenses will not be paid. A photographer from the shrubbery(a friend of Ryan) will be coming along for this reason and to record the event.

Now, the fine print:
By entering this contest, you agree that the shrubbery has all rights to use your entry (we will not use pictures or release email/postal addresses) any way we wish. You agree that any personal information given is honest and accurate. If the date doesn't result in anything, another winner may be chosen in the future. This contest will be judged subjectivly, and there are no given criteria for choosing the winner. However, judging will be made without ethnic bias. Biases against Religion may be made, but not on personal beliefs. Read that how you will. Gender bias will be made, but males are still allowed to enter and an exceptional male entry does have a chance of winning. No purchase neccesary.

Three Things to Remember:
Ryan is Poor:
He can probably get to any adjacent state to Ohio (road trip!!!) Anything farther doesn't mean you can't win, but it will be taken into consideration.
Ryan is Open-Minded:You can't possibly know exactly what he's looking for, and he's really good at looking at the total package, not little tiny things. So be yourself.
Ryan is not the only judge:Some of his friends are real jerks and even if you think Ryan would despise you, you may win on a "lark".
Ryan is just looking for a date:This is not like that dude looking for a wife. Ryan is willing to accept whatever he gets, and will roll with said punches. No matter what you're looking to get out of this, just pretend Ryan is too.

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