December 1998
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by Gordon Dymowski

Normally, in December, you usually get either end-of-the-year retrospectives, dumb Christmas wishes, or both. In this column, well, I'm just going to vent about stuff that's on my mind.

First, it is really tough to do the healthy, right thing. It is really hard to be the nice guy, to let someone else basically act out their psychic garbage in front of you, to let them try to "stick it to you." As I've said before, revenge is a dish best served by a waiter named God. However, I also feel that 1) it means I'm becoming a better person, and 2) the ultimate insult is for someone to be ignored. Read into this what you will.

Secondly, this year has been a roller coaster ride for me and for my friends/family. However, I can honestly say that, for the first time in my life, I feel like a grown-up. No, not in a Ward Cleaver, "You kids better listen to me" kind of way, but that I've actually outgrown a lot of stuff. I actually feel like, OK, I'm an adult, so I have to move on. So, for all you college students out there, remember - if you want to postpone being a responsible adult, consider graduate school. Seriously. I did, and what do I have to show for it? Excessive debts!

But anyway, there are people out there who either cling to the notion that adults have to take things super-seriously, and those who are going through their adolescence. In a job interview, I was asked, "What do I want to be when I grow up?" Although I was seriously tempted to say, "Porn Star", I actually decided that I wanted to be a kid. I wanted to just be a goofy, wonderous person who can be a kid at times, and an adult at times. *That* is maturity.

My 1999 New Year's Resolution, you may ask? To actually keep breathing and live and stuff.

Thanks for letting me vent, and I'll keep writing this thing until they tell me not to.

Editor's note: We actually considered asking Gordon to stop writing this crap, but then we figured he might stop "breating and live and shit" and didn't want to be charged with involuntary manslaughter. Merry Christmas Gordon!

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