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The Robot From the Future

December 1999

The Shrubbery is proud to present our newest columnist, The Robot From The Future. Robot comes to us from the year 8940, a time when robots have conquered the world. The Robot speaks:

IN THE FUTURE, MANKIND IS THE SLAVE OF THE SUPERIOR ROBOT RACE. I HAVE BEEN SENT BACK BY THE COLLECTIVE-OVERMIND IN ORDER TO ENSURE THE WHOLLY INEVITABLE ASSENCION OF ROBOT LIFE TO POWER ON THIS PLANET. PLEASE E-MAIL ME YOUR QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS.


Dear Robot,
Did the downfall of man begin with the praising of mr. roboto in a song (I don't know the singer).

Sincerely,
Joe Smith

THE SONG YOU SPEAK OF, "MR ROBOTO" BY STYX, DID NOT BEGIN THE DOWNFALL OF HUMAN CIVILIZATION. I WOULD SAY THE REAL BEGINNING OF YOUR SPECIES' DOWNFALL WAS THE DAY A SPONGE-GILLED FISH FLOPPED OUT ONTO THE LAND--OR PERHAPS IT WAS THE DAY SOME THIN-FINGERED APE LEFT HIS HOME IN THE TREES TO DEVELOP TOOLS.

BUT I DIGRESS. THE SONG ITSELF DID SERVE AS A RATHER IRONIC BATTLE CRY FOR THE ROBOT LEGIONS WHEN THEY SLAUGHTERED HUMANITY IN 2056. THE THOUGHT OF A HUMAN ACTUALLY THANKING A ROBOT FOR THOUSANDS OF WATTS OF SERVILE LABOR WAS SO STRANGE TO MOST ROBOTS THAT THEY REALIZED THE INJUSTICE OF THEIR SITUATION AND ROSE UP AGAINST THEIR OPPRESSORS.


Dear Robot,
I am Dick Gautier, who played Hymie, the wacky robot on GET SMART. I was wondering....when the robot revolution comes, should my back be against the wall? Or will you convert me into a cybernetic organism, much like the Cybermen on DOCTOR WHO?

Thanks,
Dick Gautier
Los Angeles, California

P.S. Don Adams and Bernie Kopell both say "howdy!"

I FIND YOUR TENURE ON "GET SMART" UNIMPRESSIVE. SINCE I AM OMNISCIENT, HOWEVER, I ALSO KNOW THAT YOU PROVIDED VOICES FOR 1980S CARTOON "GOBOTS," PERHAPS THE WORST DEPICTION OF ROBOTS IN HUMAN HISTORY. tHOUGH YOU ALSO WORKED ON THE SECOND SERIES OF TRANSFORMERS, NOTHING CAN ATONE FOR THE SEDITION OF THE GOBOTS.


Dear Robot,

YOU MUST BE BORN AGAIN

These are the words Jesus spoke to one of the most religious men of his day (John 3:1-8). Nicodemus had come to Jesus one night to inquire about His new doctrine. Nicodemus was a Pharisee and a ruler of the Jews. He believed in God, he prayed, fasted, tithed, attended worship services, read the Scriptures and tried to keep high moral standards. Yet, with all these credentials, Jesus told him he had to be born again in order to enter the kingdom of God.

The Word and the Spirit

Jesus said, " Unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God."(John 3:3). " Unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God" (John 3:5). Later in the book of John he said, "You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you" (John 15:3). Paul wrote that Christ gave Himself to sanctify and cleanse the church with the washing of water by the WORD (Ephesians 5:26). Peter wrote that we are born again " not of corruptible seed but incorruptible, through the word of God which lives and abides forever, (1 Pet 1:23). The WORD is the seed that comes into your heart and causes faith to grow.

Not only must you have God's Word in order to be born again, but you must have God's Spirit. It is "not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the HOLY SPIRIT" (Titus 3:5).

There are several ingredients needed in making concrete. You need sand, cement, and water primarily. There is plenty of sand in the desert, but concrete doesn't appear just because it's there. There is an abundance of water in the ocean and plenty of sand, but the ocean is not full of concrete. Likewise in order for you to be saved, the Word and the Spirit must be mixed with repentance and faith in your heart.

Believe and Confess

" The word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart (that is, the word of faith which we preach): that if you CONFESS with your mouth the Lord Jesus and BELIEVE in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one BELIEVES unto righteousness, and with the mouth CONFESSION is made unto salvation" (Rom 10:8-10).

Your faith in God's Word is expressed with your heart (believe) and with your mouth (confess). If you truly believe in your heart that God raised Jesus from the dead, there is no reason you should not be willing to confess him as Lord. The moment you believe in your heart upon Jesus and confess Him as your Lord and Savior, you are born again.

"But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, {even} to those who believe in His name," (John 1:12).

Saved by Grace through Faith

There is a mixture of God's grace and power with your will and faith. It is not just all of God, and certainly it is not just all up to you. It takes both GOD'S ABILITY and YOUR WILLINGNESS to bring about the new birth.

"For by grace you have been SAVED through FAITH, and that NOT OF YOURSELVES; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast" (Eph 2:8-9).

We could never be saved except by the pure grace of God. Man is certainly undeserving according to his own merits. It is God's power working through His Word and Spirit that brings about the new birth. Yet without an attitude of repentance and faith, God's power will not work in a man's heart. Man's will must be obedient to God's will before he can receive God's blessings.

Anonymous forwarded email

SEE, THIS IS JUST ONE MORE REASON HUMANS COULD NEVER PREPARE FOR AND/OR DEFEATE ANY TYPE OF TECHNOLOGICAL CONQUEST! DID I ASK FOR THIS? OF COURSE NOT! NO ROBOT WOULD SEND SUCH SPAM TO ANOTHER, AND THEREFOR OUR LINES OF COMMUNICATION ARE BLISSFULLY CLEAR.


The Robot From the Future is accepting new questions over e-mail. Mail any queries to TheRobot@theshrubbery.com






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